Good things in life...

Lately I've been feeling overwhelmed by life's trials, and I've done my fair share of complaining about it all. I have every right to feel the way I do but I'm tired of feeling so low.

So, I've decided to compile a list of things that brighten my day. Most will be disjointed and many may not understand how some of them could possibly be a positive thing, but trust me, they all are special in some way.

Snow sparkling in the sunlight.

Wind swaying through green meadows in the mountains.

A big wet kiss from my dog when I've only stepped outside for a few minutes.

A baby's sigh.

Watching an actor become their character.

Seeing someone discover a love for the stage.

Being part of a special moment.

Melancholy anime films.

Abstract paintings.

Getting lost in a big city.

The smell of rain in the pines.

A misty night in London.

The boardwalk on a beach in Miami.

Laughing with my brother and sister.

Crying in a really good movie.

Cello music.

The perfect yarn for a crocheted hat.

Frank Sinatra.

Clean laundry.

A good cuppa tea.

The perfect hot chocolate.

Crawling into bed after a hard day's work.

Sleeping in.

Daydreams.

Baking cookies.

Overcoming a challenge.

Learning something new and exciting about myself.

Making a new friend.

Rollercoasters.

Watching a friend perform.

A glass of dry red wine, Kacie singing and playing the piano, and good friends all at the Paramount Piano Bar.

One too many shots of tequilla with Tif and Nejla.

Cheesy old movies.

A new episode of my favorite shows.

A new pair of shoes.

Multi-tasking like a madwoman!

Being lazy.

Long drives with the music blaring.

Peeing after a long drive.

Coming home to the Big Horns.

Exploring a new place.

Hiking.

Project Destruction.

Giant blow-up obstacle courses.

Reconnecting with old friends.

Feeling useful.

Completing a big project.

A good action movie.

New foods.

Kitchen gadgets.

Homemade hot fudge at the Noetlitch's

Feeling like I belong.

Swimming.

Throwing the perfect snowball.

Coming inside after being out in frigid temperatures.

That's all I can think of for now. Perhaps there will be a Good things post #2. I'm trying to be more positive in my thinking and hopefully it will carry over into the events in my life.

Sleepless Nights and Crazy Days

Wow! That's all I have to say about the last few months in my little world.

Some days it feels like nothing is going on and then all of the sudden EVERYTHING starts happening at once. Between working weird hours at Super 8, rehearsals after school M-F, and a crazy family I feel like I hardly have time to breathe!

Let's see here, family: my cousin is in the hospital doing her best to keep Baby safe long enough for her lungs to develop. Meanwhile her 3 girls are spending time with Great-Grandma. The rest of the family is all doing their part to keep life moving here. Looks like we'll have Baby around soon!

More family: brother is in Afghanistan. Just moved from one of the quieter regions to a more tumultuous area (oh joy of joys! more stress and worry!) So far we've only been able to get a 10 min call once a week, now, who knows when we'll here from him again. Praying that God will keep him and his company safe as they work alongside the Afghan Police to make peace with the Taliban.

Rehearsals for Guys and Dolls are well underway, but between state music events, debate, sickness, and laziness I have yet to have the entire cast at a rehearsal. Would like to be running the show from top to end by now, but noooooooo. I've decided musicals are not my cup of tea as a director.

Find myself missing Sioux Falls and friends a lot lately. Pretty lonely here and really sick of high schoolers and their drama. Ready to move on to the next stage of my life but sadly am stuck here for a while due to student loans and medical bills :-( Doing my best to be satisfied with where I am and what I am doing. Praying for peace.

One good bit of news: I recently received an email regarding a stage managing position with Montana Shakespeare in the Parks. I am currently in the process of applying for the position. If it works out I would be spending June in Bozeman, MT, helping with rehearsals for "Julius Caesar" before the team goes on tour. This would be another great networking opportunity for me, as well as getting more experience as a stage manager! Big prayers about this one.

Well for now that is about it. My thoughts are so mixed up I can't really form a coherent sentence but I thought you might like a quick update.

Semper Fi,
TarahBelle

Woes of a first time high school drama coach

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed right now. It seems like everything is against the production I'm currently directing. Here's a brief list of the things that have been falling apart on me:

1. Our scripts were not properly ordered back in July and by the middle of August, when I was calling the school on a weekly basis, they still hadn't come, I called the publishing company and they never received the order! So we ordered them rush delivery. Four weeks later we called the company and the scripts had been back ordered! By this time we were already 3 weeks into rehearsals so I said forget it we'll just stick with the few copies we already had.

2. H1N1 hit our town and hit hard. There were only a few confirmed cases because the number of children sick was so large the doctors said that not to go to the clinic unless there was a dangerously high fever b/c there wasn't anything to be done . Of the 12 students that I have in the play, 5 have been out sick.

3.At the beginning of the rehearsal process I had to have surgery and my energy level was way low. So I let quite a few things slide which are now returning to kick me in the butt. Focus is a major issue and I'm not sure how exactly to get these students properly motivated.

4. Costumes of course for a period play are always an issue, but I thought we were covered when a grad student from UNL said she'd pull some costumes from a recent show. To my great distress the show was accepted into a competition and now we can no longer use the costumes.

5. As always there is lots of drama and such going on in the lives of high school students, mine are no exception. Sadly the most frustrating is the drama between my sister and I. I am not the greatest sister in the world, but lately I seem to be doing everything that upsets her. Its frustrating because I tend to say things I don't mean at rehearsal and whether I apologize or not she stays pissed for a few days.

6. At the beginning of the school year I was told that I had a $3500 budget for the year. Today, I was informed that we have used all of our money in our account, $510! This was what the previous director spent last year so its the budget the financial committee at the school gave us. Needless to say I was pissed, and confused since I was given a much higher number to begin with. I don't how to handle it all but I think I've got it figured out, for now.

While much of this is out of my control, I still am feeling hugely overwhelmed and incapable of making this a truly successful show. I hate feeling so inept. I knew that it would be tough and that I would be learning a lot during this first play, but currently I am not seeing any blue sky ahead.
I want to keep doing this, I won't give up, not yet at least.

Wonderful Wyoming

This is what I see in Buffalo, Wyoming that keeps me here:

Loyalty, sometimes small town politics get in the way but we still stick up for one another.

Supportive, just go to any BHS event, you'll see what I mean.

Kindness, the people are friendly and kind, always willing to help their neighbors.

Quiet, what else can I say?

Slower pace of life, no need to rush around, just take it slow.

The Meadowlark's call, it means summertime to me.

Crazy weather, we may live at a slower pace but the weather keeps us on our toes.

Rain in the Big Horn Mountains, there is no other smell that calms me like this, its sweet and earthy and fresh.

The Big Horn Mountains, shelter, recreation, and so much more.

Nothing too fancy, not too many stuck up people or restaurants to get in the way.

Home, yeah it will always be home no matter what.

Gorgeous, its beautiful almost all year round!

Counting down the Days

My adventure on the road is nearly at its end. I have many mixed feelings about the last few months. Some are good, some are not. Its hard to sort through everything and come up with an emotion or feeling for the tour as a whole. In many ways its divided into three parts; the learning, the enjoyment, and the pain.
The learning involves what I have learned from being on the road, working with all kinds of children, working with all kinds of adults, and the little things I have learned about myself. Life on the road has made me see what is really necessary for daily life, things like a normal daily schedule and familiar faces. Along with that I have learned that there are things I can live without, like a television, (as long as I have the internet I have no need for TV). I've learned how to deal with (well deal with for a week at least) any kind of problem child, and the most important tools are kindness and patience. Adults sometimes take more patience than children! Along with that I have also learned which battles are worth fighting and what isn't worth mentioning. I won't even go into what I learned about myself; it would take too long.
The greatest joy I have on the road is watching the children grow and gain confidence (in just a few days!). During auditions they are barely audible, and are so shy, but by Friday's dress rehearsal they are ready and willing to step out in front of that audience. Its also important to note that they even gain a respect for each other and sometimes are better behaved by the end of the week (whether that lasts I don't know but I can hope it does!)
There are many kinds of pain I have faced on this trip, including physical and spiritual. Since we spend Sundays traveling to the next town we rarely get to go to church. Without fellowship with other believers I feel drained and spiritually empty many days. I listen to a lot of worship music and that helps lift my spirits but its certainly not the same as worshipping with a body of believers on a regular basis. This trip has also put a strain on some of my friendships, I find that people I thought were my friends really aren't worth the effort I put into the friendship. But that being said, I'm not worth the effort God made for me. I've learned much about His grace and trying to see others through His eyes.
The physical pain comes in many ways, allergies causing headaches, stupid gallstones acting up, and the ever present back pain I can't get rid of. I've learned to put the pain aside and press on. We literally have no time off or sick days on tour so we can't be sick. I've been lucky enough not to be really ill on this trip, though I have been uncomfortable many times. I think its prepared me for something bigger, like mission work or motherhood.
I have just 10 more days on tour. Such a small number, and yet such a big number! Now that I have everything ready for the summer and to start making plans for the Fall, I am ready to be done with this part of my life. So, while I will miss certain aspects of touring, I am more than ready to be done.
Camp starts at the end of May, Anna comes the 2nd week of June, and then its 2 months of craziness in the kitchen at WYOBA! Come Fall I'll be moving to Ft Collins and starting a new phase in my life. A new adventure awaits around each corner and it'll be amazing!

Windy nights

I've just finished watching to film version of Doubt, and I still can't decide if I like it or not. But it has this whole thing with the wind in it and since its windy tonight I can't seem to get windy images out of my head. I felt like writing some of them down and since the computer was the closest thing I figured I should use it.
Generally the wind signifies change, sometimes good things happen, sometimes bad things happen. I'm reading Charlotte Bronte's Villette and Lucy, the main character, says that windy nights always signify change in her world, usually change that means uprooting one's life and moving somewhere entirely new. I haven't finished the book yet, but I like this idea. Stormy windy nights often change the physical appearance of the outside world. Whether it be by bring snow and ice, or knocking down trees and homes, the wind brings physical change.
But it also changes the way things feel. As a child I loved windy days in the summer because it meant I could fly my kite. Watching that simple colored diamond soar high in the air always made me feel like I too could fly far above the earth and see things from way up high. Wind in the winter generally meant a snow storm was on its way, and what child doesn't pray for a snow day late in February? To know that you get to sleep in makes you feel so fabulous!
I grew up in the shadow of the Big Horn Mountains and when it rains there, it smells of pine trees and earth. Good clean fresh earth. The wind would carry that wonderful smell for miles down the valleys into the plateaus where we could enjoy it. I miss that smell.
Wind doesn't always bring positive things. Often times it can be destructive, deadly. I have seen what power the wind has when it reaches hurricane force. I have experienced driving along the interstate and the wind nearly blowing my tiny little car into the ditch. I have seen the wind blow over semi's, trees, and homes. The power of the wind reminds me that I am not in control, and sometimes, that's more frightening than anything else.
But we can use the power of the wind, they've been doing it for centuries, windmills. Now with the Go Green craze we're beginning to harness that power on an even larger scale.
Wind can be scary, it can power us, it can remind us of good and bad days. It will always be the agent of change in my mind. And for now, I will let it sing me to sleep.

Finding Joy

I've been in rather low spirits lately; frustrations with work and such, plus loneliness weighted me down so much I could barely breathe some days. Finally I decided that part of my problem was my attitude and that that had to change! I spent a lot of time talking with God and confessing my sins to Him.

During this time He reminded me of my love of encouragement. So I have set out to cheer myself up by cheering others. He even blessed me with a larger tax-return to use on cards and candies to send out.

I've been able to send His love via snail mail to a friend who is hurting after a terrible break-up, another friend who has lost a grandmother, a mentor who has been in low spirits, as well as just sending cards and letters to good friends who have supported me through my own troubles.

I find that I gain more pleasure in sending letters, cards, packages, etc than receiving them. I am so thankful that God has reminded me that only by giving of my heart do I gain anything in return. The simplest thank you on Facebook absolutely makes my day.

So, if you are feeling down, go do something sweet and unexpected for someone else. You will feel better I promise! Find joy in sreading it around!