My adventure on the road is nearly at its end. I have many mixed feelings about the last few months. Some are good, some are not. Its hard to sort through everything and come up with an emotion or feeling for the tour as a whole. In many ways its divided into three parts; the learning, the enjoyment, and the pain.
The learning involves what I have learned from being on the road, working with all kinds of children, working with all kinds of adults, and the little things I have learned about myself. Life on the road has made me see what is really necessary for daily life, things like a normal daily schedule and familiar faces. Along with that I have learned that there are things I can live without, like a television, (as long as I have the internet I have no need for TV). I've learned how to deal with (well deal with for a week at least) any kind of problem child, and the most important tools are kindness and patience. Adults sometimes take more patience than children! Along with that I have also learned which battles are worth fighting and what isn't worth mentioning. I won't even go into what I learned about myself; it would take too long.
The greatest joy I have on the road is watching the children grow and gain confidence (in just a few days!). During auditions they are barely audible, and are so shy, but by Friday's dress rehearsal they are ready and willing to step out in front of that audience. Its also important to note that they even gain a respect for each other and sometimes are better behaved by the end of the week (whether that lasts I don't know but I can hope it does!)
There are many kinds of pain I have faced on this trip, including physical and spiritual. Since we spend Sundays traveling to the next town we rarely get to go to church. Without fellowship with other believers I feel drained and spiritually empty many days. I listen to a lot of worship music and that helps lift my spirits but its certainly not the same as worshipping with a body of believers on a regular basis. This trip has also put a strain on some of my friendships, I find that people I thought were my friends really aren't worth the effort I put into the friendship. But that being said, I'm not worth the effort God made for me. I've learned much about His grace and trying to see others through His eyes.
The physical pain comes in many ways, allergies causing headaches, stupid gallstones acting up, and the ever present back pain I can't get rid of. I've learned to put the pain aside and press on. We literally have no time off or sick days on tour so we can't be sick. I've been lucky enough not to be really ill on this trip, though I have been uncomfortable many times. I think its prepared me for something bigger, like mission work or motherhood.
I have just 10 more days on tour. Such a small number, and yet such a big number! Now that I have everything ready for the summer and to start making plans for the Fall, I am ready to be done with this part of my life. So, while I will miss certain aspects of touring, I am more than ready to be done.
Camp starts at the end of May, Anna comes the 2nd week of June, and then its 2 months of craziness in the kitchen at WYOBA! Come Fall I'll be moving to Ft Collins and starting a new phase in my life. A new adventure awaits around each corner and it'll be amazing!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Windy nights
I've just finished watching to film version of Doubt, and I still can't decide if I like it or not. But it has this whole thing with the wind in it and since its windy tonight I can't seem to get windy images out of my head. I felt like writing some of them down and since the computer was the closest thing I figured I should use it.
Generally the wind signifies change, sometimes good things happen, sometimes bad things happen. I'm reading Charlotte Bronte's Villette and Lucy, the main character, says that windy nights always signify change in her world, usually change that means uprooting one's life and moving somewhere entirely new. I haven't finished the book yet, but I like this idea. Stormy windy nights often change the physical appearance of the outside world. Whether it be by bring snow and ice, or knocking down trees and homes, the wind brings physical change.
But it also changes the way things feel. As a child I loved windy days in the summer because it meant I could fly my kite. Watching that simple colored diamond soar high in the air always made me feel like I too could fly far above the earth and see things from way up high. Wind in the winter generally meant a snow storm was on its way, and what child doesn't pray for a snow day late in February? To know that you get to sleep in makes you feel so fabulous!
I grew up in the shadow of the Big Horn Mountains and when it rains there, it smells of pine trees and earth. Good clean fresh earth. The wind would carry that wonderful smell for miles down the valleys into the plateaus where we could enjoy it. I miss that smell.
Wind doesn't always bring positive things. Often times it can be destructive, deadly. I have seen what power the wind has when it reaches hurricane force. I have experienced driving along the interstate and the wind nearly blowing my tiny little car into the ditch. I have seen the wind blow over semi's, trees, and homes. The power of the wind reminds me that I am not in control, and sometimes, that's more frightening than anything else.
But we can use the power of the wind, they've been doing it for centuries, windmills. Now with the Go Green craze we're beginning to harness that power on an even larger scale.
Wind can be scary, it can power us, it can remind us of good and bad days. It will always be the agent of change in my mind. And for now, I will let it sing me to sleep.
Generally the wind signifies change, sometimes good things happen, sometimes bad things happen. I'm reading Charlotte Bronte's Villette and Lucy, the main character, says that windy nights always signify change in her world, usually change that means uprooting one's life and moving somewhere entirely new. I haven't finished the book yet, but I like this idea. Stormy windy nights often change the physical appearance of the outside world. Whether it be by bring snow and ice, or knocking down trees and homes, the wind brings physical change.
But it also changes the way things feel. As a child I loved windy days in the summer because it meant I could fly my kite. Watching that simple colored diamond soar high in the air always made me feel like I too could fly far above the earth and see things from way up high. Wind in the winter generally meant a snow storm was on its way, and what child doesn't pray for a snow day late in February? To know that you get to sleep in makes you feel so fabulous!
I grew up in the shadow of the Big Horn Mountains and when it rains there, it smells of pine trees and earth. Good clean fresh earth. The wind would carry that wonderful smell for miles down the valleys into the plateaus where we could enjoy it. I miss that smell.
Wind doesn't always bring positive things. Often times it can be destructive, deadly. I have seen what power the wind has when it reaches hurricane force. I have experienced driving along the interstate and the wind nearly blowing my tiny little car into the ditch. I have seen the wind blow over semi's, trees, and homes. The power of the wind reminds me that I am not in control, and sometimes, that's more frightening than anything else.
But we can use the power of the wind, they've been doing it for centuries, windmills. Now with the Go Green craze we're beginning to harness that power on an even larger scale.
Wind can be scary, it can power us, it can remind us of good and bad days. It will always be the agent of change in my mind. And for now, I will let it sing me to sleep.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Finding Joy
I've been in rather low spirits lately; frustrations with work and such, plus loneliness weighted me down so much I could barely breathe some days. Finally I decided that part of my problem was my attitude and that that had to change! I spent a lot of time talking with God and confessing my sins to Him.
During this time He reminded me of my love of encouragement. So I have set out to cheer myself up by cheering others. He even blessed me with a larger tax-return to use on cards and candies to send out.
I've been able to send His love via snail mail to a friend who is hurting after a terrible break-up, another friend who has lost a grandmother, a mentor who has been in low spirits, as well as just sending cards and letters to good friends who have supported me through my own troubles.
I find that I gain more pleasure in sending letters, cards, packages, etc than receiving them. I am so thankful that God has reminded me that only by giving of my heart do I gain anything in return. The simplest thank you on Facebook absolutely makes my day.
So, if you are feeling down, go do something sweet and unexpected for someone else. You will feel better I promise! Find joy in sreading it around!
During this time He reminded me of my love of encouragement. So I have set out to cheer myself up by cheering others. He even blessed me with a larger tax-return to use on cards and candies to send out.
I've been able to send His love via snail mail to a friend who is hurting after a terrible break-up, another friend who has lost a grandmother, a mentor who has been in low spirits, as well as just sending cards and letters to good friends who have supported me through my own troubles.
I find that I gain more pleasure in sending letters, cards, packages, etc than receiving them. I am so thankful that God has reminded me that only by giving of my heart do I gain anything in return. The simplest thank you on Facebook absolutely makes my day.
So, if you are feeling down, go do something sweet and unexpected for someone else. You will feel better I promise! Find joy in sreading it around!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Tarah Needs
Okay this just looked like too much fun to pass up:
Type your name into a search engine followed by needs. "Yourname needs" and copy down the first 10 phrases that come up in the search. Don't only pick out the cool ones. Do it in order. Tag 10 friends to do this too.This cracked me up! Too Fun! Enjoy!
Here are my results:
Tarah needs that spanking.
Tarah needs a haircut?
Tarah needs somebody to love.
Tarah needs to hang out with me.
Tarah needs $3000.00 by November.
Tarah needs your prayers and financial support.
Tarah needs to work on the cover....
Tarah needs to get a pic up ASAP
Tarah needs to get to work...
Tarah needs a vacation from work politics.
Random assortment of the findings the search engine game me. Some of them are strangely true! Althought I'm not so sure I need a spanking.
Hope this made you smile.
Type your name into a search engine followed by needs. "Yourname needs" and copy down the first 10 phrases that come up in the search. Don't only pick out the cool ones. Do it in order. Tag 10 friends to do this too.This cracked me up! Too Fun! Enjoy!
Here are my results:
Tarah needs that spanking.
Tarah needs a haircut?
Tarah needs somebody to love.
Tarah needs to hang out with me.
Tarah needs $3000.00 by November.
Tarah needs your prayers and financial support.
Tarah needs to work on the cover....
Tarah needs to get a pic up ASAP
Tarah needs to get to work...
Tarah needs a vacation from work politics.
Random assortment of the findings the search engine game me. Some of them are strangely true! Althought I'm not so sure I need a spanking.
Hope this made you smile.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Grumblings and Inspiration
So I want to warn you that this post will be mostly me venting about life in general. It may sound from the tone of this post that things aren't going well, when actually life is bearable, I just haven't had anyone to vent to in a while and since this seems a good enough place as any.... Oh and my thought will be a bit disjointed as my sleep meds are starting to kick in now.
Singleness sucks! I know I complain a lot about being single, and well its because I don't like it one bit! As I get older I feel like the chances of me finding anyone get smaller and smaller. Right now I can't even blame my being too picky since there hasn't been anyone remotely interested in me! Geeze.
I am being patient but the hardest part is when friends (who I thought would be getting engaged and married long after me) are married or pretty close to it. I am truly happy for them, I just hate having to sit there and listen to them talk about their significant others. The more friends that get engaged the more un-significant I feel.
Life on the road with one partner gets old fast. I think part of this is fueled by my first complaint. I am quickly getting sick of seeing only one other familiar face. We get along fine, it just would be nice to see other friends/co-workers/anyone. I'm trying to make it day-by-day and my partner is counting down the days. Plus I only just started this life on the road, she's been doing this 3 months longer than me. I'm a little tired of her negative attitude about things, but don't feel like I have any right to say anything because she has been doing this longer than me.
Life after college really blows. I miss the days when I could just ditch class and sleep in, or go to the mall, or go on a random road trip. I am committed to this job thing and once this summer is over I'll have to commit to something even more long term. Ack! I don't know what to do or where to g. None of the suggestions people have given me help.
I have decided that, even though it seems like the easy way out of my current "What the hell am I supposed to do now?"- dilemma, going back to school is not a good idea. But deciding on a job scares me. What can I do that will make me enough money to make it through the next few years?
I don't like myself very much. I find many things wrong with who and what I am. I'm really struggling with my weight and now my acne is flaring up again. Not only physically but also mentally am I unhappy with who I am. I'm so cynical and negative, I remember when I was much more happy-go-lucky and I miss it. Just because crappy stuff has happened doesn't mean I should wallow in my self pity, eat too much, hate everything around me, and then hate myself. It's time I stopped whining.
Sometimes I find myself blaming God for the way my life has gone, but I know that I've brought a lot of this on myself. I've come to realize that while I have lots of ups and big downs over the last few years, I have not been living my life for Christ, and therefore I am not happy. I have little to no joy in life. I look back on the happiest times in my life and it was when I was closest to God. Over time I have pushed Him from the head writer in my life's story to the thesaurus I turn to when I don't know what to do next.
So, during the next few weeks and months it is my goal to let God take the pen again. I can't be in control anymore, not to mention, I have run out of ideas. I trust that God has a big plan for me, I've always felt it, and it is time that that plan is fulfilled.
Singleness sucks! I know I complain a lot about being single, and well its because I don't like it one bit! As I get older I feel like the chances of me finding anyone get smaller and smaller. Right now I can't even blame my being too picky since there hasn't been anyone remotely interested in me! Geeze.
I am being patient but the hardest part is when friends (who I thought would be getting engaged and married long after me) are married or pretty close to it. I am truly happy for them, I just hate having to sit there and listen to them talk about their significant others. The more friends that get engaged the more un-significant I feel.
Life on the road with one partner gets old fast. I think part of this is fueled by my first complaint. I am quickly getting sick of seeing only one other familiar face. We get along fine, it just would be nice to see other friends/co-workers/anyone. I'm trying to make it day-by-day and my partner is counting down the days. Plus I only just started this life on the road, she's been doing this 3 months longer than me. I'm a little tired of her negative attitude about things, but don't feel like I have any right to say anything because she has been doing this longer than me.
Life after college really blows. I miss the days when I could just ditch class and sleep in, or go to the mall, or go on a random road trip. I am committed to this job thing and once this summer is over I'll have to commit to something even more long term. Ack! I don't know what to do or where to g. None of the suggestions people have given me help.
I have decided that, even though it seems like the easy way out of my current "What the hell am I supposed to do now?"- dilemma, going back to school is not a good idea. But deciding on a job scares me. What can I do that will make me enough money to make it through the next few years?
I don't like myself very much. I find many things wrong with who and what I am. I'm really struggling with my weight and now my acne is flaring up again. Not only physically but also mentally am I unhappy with who I am. I'm so cynical and negative, I remember when I was much more happy-go-lucky and I miss it. Just because crappy stuff has happened doesn't mean I should wallow in my self pity, eat too much, hate everything around me, and then hate myself. It's time I stopped whining.
Sometimes I find myself blaming God for the way my life has gone, but I know that I've brought a lot of this on myself. I've come to realize that while I have lots of ups and big downs over the last few years, I have not been living my life for Christ, and therefore I am not happy. I have little to no joy in life. I look back on the happiest times in my life and it was when I was closest to God. Over time I have pushed Him from the head writer in my life's story to the thesaurus I turn to when I don't know what to do next.
So, during the next few weeks and months it is my goal to let God take the pen again. I can't be in control anymore, not to mention, I have run out of ideas. I trust that God has a big plan for me, I've always felt it, and it is time that that plan is fulfilled.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Bright Thoughts
You know, it ocurred to me the other day that I complain a lot about my life. I don't mean to complain so much, but it just seems that lately things aren't so great. I've forgotten how to be truly content and no matter where I turn I can always find something wrong. The biggest issue being my single-ness. I hate that so many I am close to are finding their soul-mates, and I am alone. I realize that God has a purpose for this loneliness but I'm fed up with it.
Anyways the purpose of this blog is to write about things that are good. I need to remind myself that things aren't really as bad as I seem to think they are. So bright thoughts for my life:
1. I have a job, it pays well enough that I am not stressed over money.
2. I have a family that loves me and cares about me.
3. I live in a free country where I have the right to complain about the government!
4. God's grace.
5. Friends to turn to when I need them.
6. A roof over my head and food in my belly.
7. I have a pet that makes me laugh every day.
8. I'm old enough to drink, and smart enough to know when to stop.
9. I have patience.
10.Music always calms my spirit.
So there are ten bright things in my life. I'm smiling already.
Anyways the purpose of this blog is to write about things that are good. I need to remind myself that things aren't really as bad as I seem to think they are. So bright thoughts for my life:
1. I have a job, it pays well enough that I am not stressed over money.
2. I have a family that loves me and cares about me.
3. I live in a free country where I have the right to complain about the government!
4. God's grace.
5. Friends to turn to when I need them.
6. A roof over my head and food in my belly.
7. I have a pet that makes me laugh every day.
8. I'm old enough to drink, and smart enough to know when to stop.
9. I have patience.
10.Music always calms my spirit.
So there are ten bright things in my life. I'm smiling already.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Cold Contemplations
Sometimes I ask myself, "Why in the world do you still live in a cold climate?!" I'm staying at my boss's for the week and it is bitter cold in SD! My room is in the basement, with no heat! Just a little space heater is all I have to keep warm! Brrrr.
Some people have suggested that I am a wimp and that is why I am cold all the time. But to them I would like to say: "Try having a bleeding disorder sometime! Then you might realize what it is like to live with thin blood and poor circulation!" I can't help having thin blood, there's not much I can do about it you know!
I tried living in the Southwest before and I just didn't fit in. I missed the slower more easy going pace of life that Wyoming and the Midwest offers. I like all the "nice" people that live out here. I haven't had a chance to try out the Southeast though....someday maybe.
So for now I must sit here and shiver.
Some people have suggested that I am a wimp and that is why I am cold all the time. But to them I would like to say: "Try having a bleeding disorder sometime! Then you might realize what it is like to live with thin blood and poor circulation!" I can't help having thin blood, there's not much I can do about it you know!
I tried living in the Southwest before and I just didn't fit in. I missed the slower more easy going pace of life that Wyoming and the Midwest offers. I like all the "nice" people that live out here. I haven't had a chance to try out the Southeast though....someday maybe.
So for now I must sit here and shiver.
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