Waiting for life to Start

I've always thought myself a fairly patient person. I mean, I'm no saint, but
I've waited for years for that someone special to come along;
I've waited for God's still small voice to tell me what path to choose;
I've done a lot of waiting on people.

Waiting, to me, is just another part of life.
We wait in lines,
We wait on the phone,
We wait for answers,
We wait for good times to come,
We wait for bad times to pass,
We wait for things to grow,
We wait on other people to decide,
We wait to make our own decisions.

Wait wait wait. To tell the truth I'm starting to get impatient!

Once again I find myself waiting to find out what path God wants me to choose. There is a job I want, but still haven't heard about. I told God last night that if this job doesn't pan out then I am taking it to mean that He has a bigger plan for me and that I should start pursuing a different avenue. The problem is there are two choices I see before me:
1. Start looking at mission work that I can incorporate my theatre background into.
or
2. Start seriously looking at grad schools and pursue a career as a theatre professor.

So we'll discuss the first option.

I've felt called to some kind of ministry, for a while I thought I would be a missionary, but that didn't seem right. Then I totally ignored God and did my own thing (big mistake. I was miserable!). Now that I am trying to follow God's plan for my life I can't seem to lay a finger on what I should do.

The Bible says that when we follow God, He'll give us our heart's desire. My heart's desire is to marry and have kids. But I have yet to be involved romantically. I have a very specific "list" of qualifications for a future husband, and while I have met a few guys that "strike my fancy," none have been interested in me. I trust that God will provide the right man for me, I just don't know what I am supposed to do in the mean time!

Anyways back to the missions thing. I would love to spend a year or two as a "semester missionary" in a church where I could do drama and all that. But in looking at my options through my church I find that most organizations don't like you to have any kind of debt. Well, that rules me out! I have lots of student loans to pay off.

However I haven't looked that hard yet. But as I have a renewed sense of purpose I know that if this is what God wants me to do He will open doors for me. Heck, He might close a door and open a window to a totally unexpected opportunity! I just need to be on the lookout.

Option two: grad school.
If I went back to school I want to be part of a program that will cater to my personal interests. I want to direct and teach. I think I should take some more in-depth directing classes. And I think I need to take, as scary as they would be for me!, acting classes. I'd also like to take classes on how to manage theatre groups. So far most of the schools I've looked at via their websites offer bits and pieces of the things I think are important. Of course I don't know exactly what I would need to know!

Also, if I am going to go back to school I really don't want to have to spend too much more in student loans! Its already a scary thing to think about!

Another thing for me to think about is studying abroad. This is something I have always wanted to do but the opportunity never came up. In looking for schools I have considered looking in the UK and New Zealand. I would love to spend a few years outside of America. Ideally I would love to go to a small school in the London area.

So much to be thinking and praying about. Even if I get the job I'm waiting to hear about I will have to make some sort of choice in the Spring. So I guess that if I get the job I have more time to think about things and pray about them and discuss my options. If I don't then I'll feel more pressured to make a choice now.

New Blog

You know my life must be pretty boring when I have created a second blog....
Which I have. Its called Someone's Words and its a place where I have begun to catalog some quotes from books, movies, music, people, etc. I've wanted to start a journal of quotes but somehow that never happened. So...a blog will have to suffice for now.
Here's the link: www.someoneswords.blogspot.com Check it out when you want to peruse the recesses of my crazy mind through the quotes I enjoy. :)
Leave your thoughts in the comments!

A Well in the Wilderness

Today while at work I asked our maintenance man (we'll call him M.) if he was going to vote tomorrow. Through the conversation we ended up sharing our testamonies with each other. I was amazed to hear the vast difference in his to mine. I grew up at church, was a good girl, and became a Christian at age 8. I've never done drugs, stolen anything, had sex, or even been really drunk. In contrast M.'s mother died when he was young and his father did not care for him. His youth was spent as a thief, druggie, and ended up in jail. One of his former partners became a Christian and shared the story with M. Today M. is a strong Christian, and totally on fire for God.
The conversation gave me hope as he reminded me that no matter where I am, in serving God and being faithful, God will also be faithful and will bring me joy. I tend to take God's grace for granted. Yesterday Donnie's sermon on the current state of affairs in the US reminded me that we have a lot to be thankful for. We truly are a blessed country and we take that for granted.
II Cronicles 7:14 says: if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.
The US doesn't need Obama or McCain to turn things around, it needs its Christians to stop worrying about who they might offend, to stop being complacent and comfortable in their nice little pews, to stop ignoring God's call, and start praying for God's forgiveness for our country!
He has given much, and much is expected. We worry about gas prices and grocery prices, what about those who have no place to rest their heads at night?! What about those who live in places where if they even mention Jesus' name they risk death? How can Chritians today go to church, sing hymns about following Christ's call and go home without feeling moved in the least bit?
It breaks my heart that I have been so selfish. I pray that God will show me how to use the gifts He has given me to further the work of His kingdom. I'm tired of being complacent, I'm tired of not doing anything. The only way I know I will be truly content is if I am doing the work God made me for.
My prayer today is that as Christians we will have our eyes opened to the grace God has given us and act upon it. As Americans we have been given much, as Christians much is expected of us, let's stop being complacent. Let us pray for healing in our land and in our world.

Leaving Home Behind

So this is a view from I90 going into Buffalo from Gillette. This is where I have spent most of my life. Those mountains draw me back every time I leave. This is home.

But home isn't home anymore. As time goes on I find that even though my heart will always call this place home, I can't be a part of it anymore. It is time for me to pull up my roots and make it on my own. I may be transplanted and up-rooted many times before I find a new home, but I must do it.

I don't mean to sound depressing or overly dramatic, but I am drowning in loneliness and am tired of lying to myself that it will get better. I won't meet anyone new here because I won't step out of who I was. I am a different person now, and I don't fit here. Its not a place where I can grow anymore. Living here is only making me unhappy, depressed. The only way I will be happy is if I put aside my selfishness and fears and finally trust that God will protect me "out there." HE will provide for me. HE will open doors, or shut them. Only God can make ME happen. I am useless in making my own way, my own plans, and providing opportunities. I must trust, must rely, and must let go of my past. That is all I can do.

Ironically, it feels like the calm before a storm. Something big is headed my way. I won't settle for a mediocre existance anymore. Something is building within me and without. I am ready to take on whatever battles lie ahead.

With Christ by my side and home in my heart, I face a new day, a new challenge, and I will succeed. Life won't get me down anymore.

My Eyes Change Color When I Cry

Okay so I was looking through some friend's blogs and they had a blog with 50 facts about themselves. I thought I'd give it a try. Some of these you may know and some you may not, if I surprise you let me know!

1-I teach a 1 and 2 year old Sunday School class
2-My favorite job so far was working at an afterschool program
3-I sing very loudly in my car, but refuse to sing in front of anyone
4-I can crochet a hat in 45 mins
5-I've donated my hair to Locks of Love, and am getting ready to do it again!
6-My favorite color is purple
7-I'm a decendant of Queen Victoria, and of William Bradford
8-My brother is in the Marines and I am so proud of him
9-My eyes change color when I cry
10-I want to move to England for a year
11-I'd be homesick for the mountains the entire time
12-I'm afraid of fish, or anything else that might be in water
13-I planted a garden this year and my sunflowers got over 6' tall
14-The Family Stone is the one movie that makes me ball no matter how I am feeling
15-I can make my eyes look in two different directions
16-I've been in a car accident in China
17-Taxi's in San Fransico scare me half to death
18-I've never been drunk, but once I did three shots of tequilla in 5 mins
19-I've never had a beer
20-I procrastinate
21-I hate doing dishes
22-Music plays in my head constantly
23-As a child, I had a blankie and a special stuffed animal that I never went without
24-I still sleep with a stuffed animal
25-When I was little my best friend and I would pull a leg off of grasshoppers and watch them jump in circles
26-I'm afraid of grasshoppers....ironic?
27-I am strongly opposed to all politicians
28-I ate a 100 year old egg in China
29-I don't like sea food
30-I've never gone more than 2 days without showering
31-I hit my head the first time I tried down-hill skiing, and the first time I tried snowbaording, I still can's do either
32-My sister is one of my best friends
33-My parents have been married 31 years
34-I hate it when people call me anything other than my name
35-I've never tried drugs
36-My first drink was a month before my 21st birthday
37-I am secretly in love with someone
38-My grandparents eloped
39-I have Russian cousins
40-My passport is almost full
41-I hate food that I have to take off the bone, ie fried chicken, fish, pork chops....
42-I have seriously considered becoming a vegitarian
43-I ran into our camper when my dad tried to teach me to drive a stick shift
44-I can wiggle my ears
45-Honey I Shrunk the Kids scared me, and I still don't like that movie
46-Beatleguese was my favorite movie as a kid
47-I want to have twins
48-My ears are pierced twice
49-I want to get a tattoo on my foot
50-I can read and write in ancient Greek

October

The leaves have changed colors; well they tried to before it finally frosted over and they got stuck with whatever color they happened to be before the frost. They rustle loudy at night when the wind blows. Its a little creepy to tell the truth. If only I could shut out their sounds.

I've never liked Autumn. To me its the time when everything starts to die. The freedom of summer has vanished, school is in full swing, the days are growing shorter and the nights get longer, its cooler, or in my case COLD, and I'm once again constricted by my winter clothes and shoes. I never know if its going to be warm or cold, and it could be cold in the morning then warm in the afternoon so I have to dress accordingly. Aside from the pretty colors, Autumn is not my season.

Once Winter sets in I'll be okay, at least I always know how to dress, that it will always be colors of grey and white and brown outside (usually brown and grey...ick), and it will for sure last at least 4 months; more often than not, 6.

Autumn and Winter making me think of waiting. I always seem to be waiting for something better to come along. I'm usually waiting for friends to come home for a visit, or cards to come in the mail, and hell, I usually am waiting from that frist icky day of Autumn for the first real day of Spring to come. I'm always looking forward to the day I can wear flip-flops again! Not that waiting is bad. Sometimes it makes the thing I'm waiting for even better. Right now I am waiting to hear back about a job for the Spring.

I'm praying that things will work out for me to take this job, its perfect for my life right now. I'm not tied down to anything or anyone, so the travelling part of it is perfect. I love the thrill of new places, new faces, and new experiences. Plus its in my field of study! I'd be traveling around the Mid-West doing children's theatre! Working with kids, and watching them learn about how much fun theatre can be; watching a shy child transform into a social butterfly on stage; seeing the joy of playing a part shine through their eyes; its all so amazing. I want to be a part of something like that!

Snow

Its been a while since I posted...this is why I suck at blogging.

So updates:

1. Didn't get Starbucks job.

2. Didn't get Drama Coach job.

3. Still at the church.

4. Working semi full-time at Super 8 of Buffalo.

5. Dad's healing from surgery really well!

6. Adam's almost done with 10 days leave after boot camp.

7. I'm making hats ana scarves to raise $$ for the Spain and Italy trip.

8. I am thinking I'll be back at WYOBA to cook next summer.

9. Its snowing here!



Snow is an interesting thing. Most of the time I hate hate hate it, but just now its refreshing. I love how it covers everything in a blanket of white. I like how it covers all the icky brown/grey of winter. It smooths out the rough edges in the world around you.

Plus the first snow of the season always slows everyone down. Its a reminder to be careful, to drive slower and to have a little fun. Who doesn't like a snowball fight? The loser probably.