Leaving Home Behind

So this is a view from I90 going into Buffalo from Gillette. This is where I have spent most of my life. Those mountains draw me back every time I leave. This is home.

But home isn't home anymore. As time goes on I find that even though my heart will always call this place home, I can't be a part of it anymore. It is time for me to pull up my roots and make it on my own. I may be transplanted and up-rooted many times before I find a new home, but I must do it.

I don't mean to sound depressing or overly dramatic, but I am drowning in loneliness and am tired of lying to myself that it will get better. I won't meet anyone new here because I won't step out of who I was. I am a different person now, and I don't fit here. Its not a place where I can grow anymore. Living here is only making me unhappy, depressed. The only way I will be happy is if I put aside my selfishness and fears and finally trust that God will protect me "out there." HE will provide for me. HE will open doors, or shut them. Only God can make ME happen. I am useless in making my own way, my own plans, and providing opportunities. I must trust, must rely, and must let go of my past. That is all I can do.

Ironically, it feels like the calm before a storm. Something big is headed my way. I won't settle for a mediocre existance anymore. Something is building within me and without. I am ready to take on whatever battles lie ahead.

With Christ by my side and home in my heart, I face a new day, a new challenge, and I will succeed. Life won't get me down anymore.

My Eyes Change Color When I Cry

Okay so I was looking through some friend's blogs and they had a blog with 50 facts about themselves. I thought I'd give it a try. Some of these you may know and some you may not, if I surprise you let me know!

1-I teach a 1 and 2 year old Sunday School class
2-My favorite job so far was working at an afterschool program
3-I sing very loudly in my car, but refuse to sing in front of anyone
4-I can crochet a hat in 45 mins
5-I've donated my hair to Locks of Love, and am getting ready to do it again!
6-My favorite color is purple
7-I'm a decendant of Queen Victoria, and of William Bradford
8-My brother is in the Marines and I am so proud of him
9-My eyes change color when I cry
10-I want to move to England for a year
11-I'd be homesick for the mountains the entire time
12-I'm afraid of fish, or anything else that might be in water
13-I planted a garden this year and my sunflowers got over 6' tall
14-The Family Stone is the one movie that makes me ball no matter how I am feeling
15-I can make my eyes look in two different directions
16-I've been in a car accident in China
17-Taxi's in San Fransico scare me half to death
18-I've never been drunk, but once I did three shots of tequilla in 5 mins
19-I've never had a beer
20-I procrastinate
21-I hate doing dishes
22-Music plays in my head constantly
23-As a child, I had a blankie and a special stuffed animal that I never went without
24-I still sleep with a stuffed animal
25-When I was little my best friend and I would pull a leg off of grasshoppers and watch them jump in circles
26-I'm afraid of grasshoppers....ironic?
27-I am strongly opposed to all politicians
28-I ate a 100 year old egg in China
29-I don't like sea food
30-I've never gone more than 2 days without showering
31-I hit my head the first time I tried down-hill skiing, and the first time I tried snowbaording, I still can's do either
32-My sister is one of my best friends
33-My parents have been married 31 years
34-I hate it when people call me anything other than my name
35-I've never tried drugs
36-My first drink was a month before my 21st birthday
37-I am secretly in love with someone
38-My grandparents eloped
39-I have Russian cousins
40-My passport is almost full
41-I hate food that I have to take off the bone, ie fried chicken, fish, pork chops....
42-I have seriously considered becoming a vegitarian
43-I ran into our camper when my dad tried to teach me to drive a stick shift
44-I can wiggle my ears
45-Honey I Shrunk the Kids scared me, and I still don't like that movie
46-Beatleguese was my favorite movie as a kid
47-I want to have twins
48-My ears are pierced twice
49-I want to get a tattoo on my foot
50-I can read and write in ancient Greek

October

The leaves have changed colors; well they tried to before it finally frosted over and they got stuck with whatever color they happened to be before the frost. They rustle loudy at night when the wind blows. Its a little creepy to tell the truth. If only I could shut out their sounds.

I've never liked Autumn. To me its the time when everything starts to die. The freedom of summer has vanished, school is in full swing, the days are growing shorter and the nights get longer, its cooler, or in my case COLD, and I'm once again constricted by my winter clothes and shoes. I never know if its going to be warm or cold, and it could be cold in the morning then warm in the afternoon so I have to dress accordingly. Aside from the pretty colors, Autumn is not my season.

Once Winter sets in I'll be okay, at least I always know how to dress, that it will always be colors of grey and white and brown outside (usually brown and grey...ick), and it will for sure last at least 4 months; more often than not, 6.

Autumn and Winter making me think of waiting. I always seem to be waiting for something better to come along. I'm usually waiting for friends to come home for a visit, or cards to come in the mail, and hell, I usually am waiting from that frist icky day of Autumn for the first real day of Spring to come. I'm always looking forward to the day I can wear flip-flops again! Not that waiting is bad. Sometimes it makes the thing I'm waiting for even better. Right now I am waiting to hear back about a job for the Spring.

I'm praying that things will work out for me to take this job, its perfect for my life right now. I'm not tied down to anything or anyone, so the travelling part of it is perfect. I love the thrill of new places, new faces, and new experiences. Plus its in my field of study! I'd be traveling around the Mid-West doing children's theatre! Working with kids, and watching them learn about how much fun theatre can be; watching a shy child transform into a social butterfly on stage; seeing the joy of playing a part shine through their eyes; its all so amazing. I want to be a part of something like that!

Snow

Its been a while since I posted...this is why I suck at blogging.

So updates:

1. Didn't get Starbucks job.

2. Didn't get Drama Coach job.

3. Still at the church.

4. Working semi full-time at Super 8 of Buffalo.

5. Dad's healing from surgery really well!

6. Adam's almost done with 10 days leave after boot camp.

7. I'm making hats ana scarves to raise $$ for the Spain and Italy trip.

8. I am thinking I'll be back at WYOBA to cook next summer.

9. Its snowing here!



Snow is an interesting thing. Most of the time I hate hate hate it, but just now its refreshing. I love how it covers everything in a blanket of white. I like how it covers all the icky brown/grey of winter. It smooths out the rough edges in the world around you.

Plus the first snow of the season always slows everyone down. Its a reminder to be careful, to drive slower and to have a little fun. Who doesn't like a snowball fight? The loser probably.

Blogging: A First Attempt

Okay so I have done this before but I have lost and forgotten my old blog location so I thought I would just begin anew.
I'm a list person so I thought I would list a few things that have happened in the last while:
1. I'm STILL living at home!
2. I'm going to Spain and Italy in June '09!
3. I'm still single.
4. I've for sure got one part-time job, as a secretary at my church.
5. I'm looking for full-time work...have applied to a million places....have had a couple interviews...am waiting to hear back on those interviews...have a second interview with Starbucks tomorrow...crossing my fingers on that one.
6. I have the greatest/smartest/dumbest/sweetest dog ever!
7. My brother is at Camp Pendleton doing basic training for the Marines.
8. My sister is now a sophmore at BHS
9. My dad is going to have surgery in Florida in a couple weeks.
10. I'm bored! ;)

Well I think that is about it. Oh I am still waiting to hear from the high school about the Drama coach position. I'm getting a little fed-up with waiting, I've called like three times so I'm thinking they hate me and don't want to give me the job. If I get it great! If not then I guess I'll have to find a theatre-outlet somewhere! I need to do theatre in some way shape or form!

Okay enough for now. I'll try and post some pictures later.

God Bless!