Bright Thoughts

You know, it ocurred to me the other day that I complain a lot about my life. I don't mean to complain so much, but it just seems that lately things aren't so great. I've forgotten how to be truly content and no matter where I turn I can always find something wrong. The biggest issue being my single-ness. I hate that so many I am close to are finding their soul-mates, and I am alone. I realize that God has a purpose for this loneliness but I'm fed up with it.
Anyways the purpose of this blog is to write about things that are good. I need to remind myself that things aren't really as bad as I seem to think they are. So bright thoughts for my life:
1. I have a job, it pays well enough that I am not stressed over money.
2. I have a family that loves me and cares about me.
3. I live in a free country where I have the right to complain about the government!
4. God's grace.
5. Friends to turn to when I need them.
6. A roof over my head and food in my belly.
7. I have a pet that makes me laugh every day.
8. I'm old enough to drink, and smart enough to know when to stop.
9. I have patience.
10.Music always calms my spirit.

So there are ten bright things in my life. I'm smiling already.

Cold Contemplations

Sometimes I ask myself, "Why in the world do you still live in a cold climate?!" I'm staying at my boss's for the week and it is bitter cold in SD! My room is in the basement, with no heat! Just a little space heater is all I have to keep warm! Brrrr.
Some people have suggested that I am a wimp and that is why I am cold all the time. But to them I would like to say: "Try having a bleeding disorder sometime! Then you might realize what it is like to live with thin blood and poor circulation!" I can't help having thin blood, there's not much I can do about it you know!
I tried living in the Southwest before and I just didn't fit in. I missed the slower more easy going pace of life that Wyoming and the Midwest offers. I like all the "nice" people that live out here. I haven't had a chance to try out the Southeast though....someday maybe.
So for now I must sit here and shiver.

Frustrations

I've been frustrated a lot lately and so I thought I would write them out just so I can see what all is bugging me.
1. I'm clumsy...I keep hurting myself and I'm not sure why! Yesterday I whacked my foot two times on the same piece of wood sticking out from my bed at the hotel. So my left ankle and the top of my left foot are in pain. Also because of my clumsiness my knee is always bugging me. I sprained it last year and it never healed properly.
2. Rowdy children. Today was a rough day at rehearsal, we ended up having to pull two kids out of the play because they wouldn't listen and they were disrupting everyone else. I hated having to do it but we couldn't put up with it anymore. I'm worried about tomorrow, if they show up we have to send them home. I love doing theatre with kids because I know they have fun, and these two were having fun when they were being good. They were begging to be allowed to stay in but we told them they couldn't. I about cried because of it all.
3. Neglectful parents. This comes from the rowdy kids thing. Why the eff can't people teach their children manners?! Its ridiculous to have to constantly be telling the kids to be quiet and to listen, or to tell them over and over to respect us and each other. Really its sad to see so many children who obviously don't have parents that care enough to teach them to respect their elders. ....but that's another blog that I don't have time for now.
4. Grouchiness. Why do we get grouchy? My mom always used to say that we choose to be grouchy, or sad, or angry, or whatever; in some ways it isn't true, but I have realized that in many ways it is. Sure we have excuses for our moods; bad day at work, poor night's sleep, headache, etc., but we do have the ability to try and be cheerful, patient, happy, etc. If we can't make the effort to be in control of our emotions then how can we be in control of anything else?
5. Politics. Its not a secret, I hate politics, most of the time I can easily avoid it, but with the inauguration fresh in our minds of course that is what many people choose to talk about. I honestly struggle with being an American and the responsibilities that come with that privilege. I feel like we have failed to uphold many of the principles that the founders of this nation set forth. I also feel pulled in two different directions; one involves my up-bringing in a fairly conservative home, the other pulling me towards the more liberal-mindedness of the profession I chose to pursue. I don't know how to make the two meet.
6. Myself. Yeah I am frustrated with myself. I am too worried about what others think of me to make a decision in one way or another. I can't decide if I am a Republican or a Democrat, I can't decide what career path to chose, I can't even stand up for myself sometimes. Its frustrating, and tiring, and the main reason for this post...yet a very short entry for the topic.
Sorry my thoughts are very jumbled but I do feel better now that my frustrations are written out for me to see.
I will leave you with this one thought: Jeremiah 1:5 This verse is the cornerstone of my faith and peace. It reminds me that from the very moment I was conceived God had a plan for me. I have to have faith that His plan is better than mine....I'm just having a hard time letting go of control, even though I know very well that I'm not really in control anyways! Why do I worry when I know God already has it all figured out?!

Plans and Ideas

I realized its been a long time since I've written anything about anything. :) So I thought I would make this an update blog for now.
Today was officially my last day at Super 8 (well it will be once 10:00 PM rolls around). Its nice to know that I have a job here if I want it when I get back, but I doubt I will be back for any length of time. Of course I have said that about Buffalo before and look at me now!
Tomorrow I will go into Church to finish the music slides for Sunday and that will be the last few hours there for a while as well. I will miss working at church. Mainly because it doesn't really feel like work. Its nice to go in, and do my little tasks at the pace I want to work at. I enjoy making copies and organizing things, and other random office tasks; in fact, if there was enough money in working as an office assistant I would do that.
Another thing I like about working at my church is getting to know our Interim Pastor, Don, better. Don was one of the six youth leaders I had growing up (that makes about one leader for every year I was a youth). Back then he was different than now, he was more like a big kid than an adult. Its weird to think of an adult growing up, but I guess you could say I have seen Don mature spiritually over the last few years. I apreciate talking with him about all kinds of things, and his humbleness always inspires me. He's very talented and his relationship with Christ is obvious to anyone who meets him, and he doesn't even have to tell them!
One sad bit of news is that I have had to cancel my trip to Spain and Italy. The main reason being that I can't afford it, and I think that God has something else in mind for me. It was a hard decision to make. I have always wanted to visit these countries and walk where many great men and women have walked. I was also looking forward to travelling abroad with my sister. Adam and I have Nicaragua, so some day I hope that Pegg and I can go somewhere together. I feel bad about ditching her (again!), but she is excited to have this trip to Europe. Once she returns she will have been in 3 countries I've not been in! While, we're not overly competative I have to admit I'm jealous!
So, I know what I will be doing until September, and I am excited for the new places and faces i'll be seeing. Jan-May I'll touring with the Children's Theatre Company of South Dakota. May-September I'll be head cook at Camp WYOBA. After that I have no clue what will happen. I am toying with a few ideas all of which of course depend on God's plan and direction for my life.
Here are some of the ideas I have for my life after WYOBA closes for the winter in September:
1. Move to England for a year or two.
Reasons?: I've always wanted to live there. Why not?! I'm not attatched in any way shape or form so I have nothing but family and friends to leave, all of whom I know would support me in my decision. Plus it might give me a better appreciation for the American way of life (not likely).
2. Go to Grad School and get a Masters in Directing.
Reasons?: I miss school (seriously!). I want to keep learning and pushing myself to be better. With a Masters I could get better positions in theatre companies. Have the title MFA would feel pretty nice!
3. Go on a 2 year mission trip overseas.
Reasons?: I've always felt a call to mission work. It would fulfill both my desire to live abroad and to do missions. The chance to meet and develope relationships with people from another country would be wonderful.
4. Apply once again for the Drama Coach job at BHS.
Reasons?: Yes, I was turned down last time, but I feel like I can really do something for the program here and the kids. I want to work at this school because I have seen the talent that the kids have, and to get to work with them would be wonderful! It would also be a great learning experience for me.
5. Move either back to Sioux Falls or to the Denver area.
Reasons?: Finally be an adult (ie steady job, rent, get plugged into a church). There are jobs available in both places, as well as apartments and all of that, where I can be making and saving steady money and just (I can't believe I'm going to say this) be "Living the dream." (gasp!)
Of course all of these options have their pro's and con's. Some of them are expensive, some of them are crazy and out there, but they are things that I have thought about doing. I like that I have until September to really figure things out, and who knows? By then I might have decided to do something else! Only God knows what my future holds, and the only thing I am certain of is that I am going to be looking into His will. He knows the desires of my heart and what will really make me happy/content/fulfilled. I trust that in my searching for His will for my life I will know what to do next.
For now that is that.
Semper Fi!

Twenty Below and still I'll go!

So, the weather outside is frightful, and yes fires are quite delightful, but regardless of being loved or not, I'd rather it didn't snow.
Why is that?
Well, you see, I have to drive the 800ish miles to Sioux Falls tomorrow and snow greatly hinders my speed. As I like to drive fast, it is imperative that the roads are clear. Clear of snow, clear of wind, and most certainly clear of crazy winter drivers!
I've been thinking about all the time I have spent in my car, all alone, on the stretch of Interstate 90 running through South Dakota (I have, in fact, driven over every inch of that road snaking through the state). I drove it at least four times a year for three years. I saw a lot of interesting driving techniques, most of which were safe enough, but a few were rather stupid.
So here are the top five stupid things I saw drivers doing while driving across South Dakota:
1) Reading
2) Holding a "lap" dog, which was actually a German Shepherd
3) Mooning/flashing, yes the driver doing this
4) Kissing
And my all time least favorite
5) Speeding in a poorly weighted pickup when the roads are covered with freezing rain and blowing snow, then fishtailing in an attempt to pass me, nearly hitting me, running through the median, across the opposite bound lane, ending up upside down in the ditch. Stupid, reckless, and life threatening.
Driving Interstate 90 in the winter is certainly treacherous. Why do I attempt this road?
Well, as they say, the end justifies the means. At the other end of South Dakota is a great town called Sioux Falls, and in it are some of my most favorite people ever! After living among them for three years I got a little attached. I can't wait to see my dearest friends, whom I have not seen for 7 months! The thought of being with them again, even if for a short time, is what draws me across that nasty stretch of interstate, where I will battle snow, high winds, and worst of all, bad drivers!
See you soon SuFu, SoDak!

Criticise This

I've been doing a lot of analyzing lately. Movies, music, theatre, people, and myself. I've found that I tend to look for the bad things first, and the good things second. I can't figure out if this is a good thing or a bad thing.
I am a harsh critic of film and theatre, but I tend to be a little easier on people, but movies and plays are made by people so why the harshness? I guess I see the things that I could have done better. Here's an example, but I have to give a little back story first, so be yee warned!
After being turned down on the Drama Coach position at the local high school, and finding out that a 2nd grade teacher with little to no theatre experience is who was chosen over me, I was a little bitter (to say the least). I decided that if she wanted my help she would call, because the people in charge of hiring told me they would give her my name.
Well, she never called and I heard all kinds of complaints from the cast (many are my sister's friends, whom I knew from helping out with the plays last year). Everything from, being treated like small children, to lack of experience/knowledge about what she was doing, to lack of involvement from the director in the whole process.
So, naturally when I went to watch the play I was already skeptical. As the curtains opened I found myself looking for anything and everything that could possibly go wrong. But, since I did like the actors themselves I tried to look for the positive points as well. By the time the first act was over and intermission started I wanted to leave, but because I also wanted to support the cast and be able to give a solid review I stayed.
My biggest complaint with the play was a simple thing that any good director would have fixed, the way the set was laid out the actors always ended up speaking upstage, instead of toward the audience, therefore they lost over 3/4 of their volume, and a good 1/4 of the play couldn't be heard. All that had to be done was bring the set closer to the edge of the stage, and make sure the actors didn't turn upstage to speak. Simple and effective, something that anyone who even took a theatre class in high school should know.
My second complaint was with the actors' speaking when the audience was laughing. "Laugh lines" are hard to find, but a good director will remind the actors to pause for the audience. An experienced actor knows this, but as they were in high school their experience is limited. So that was another 1/4 of the play's lines lost to the laughing.
Another thing that happens often is actors speeding up their lines, usually caused by nerves. This makes it harder to understand what is being said. Although most of the actors spoke clearly, the rate at which they spoke made it hard to understand. So, we'll add that to the 1/4 of the play lost to volume. So, basically we've lost 1/2 of the play to volume and laughing. That's a lot to miss, and simple to fix.
Finally the one thing that stood out to me was the actor's lack of enthusiasm. Personally I think it came from a number of problems the director made/had/was. First, the play was below the cast's ability. It was a poorly written comedy, with slightly degrading characters and dialogue (degrading in the sense that they did Annie last year, a classic. They've also done The Music Man, and Much Ado About Nothing). The plot was lame, about a hick that becomes king and has to find a wife. His advisor is a swindler who puts on a Bachelor/American Idol/Survivor show to find the king a wife. Many of the actors told me later that they felt like their part was stupid, and that it made them feel stupid too.
Another mistake that the director made to cause the kids to not have the enthusiasm they needed for the performances, was to not do anything more than sit in the house seats to direct. From what I heard (from my sister who is even more critical than me, and from a few other cast members) she didn't get on stage ever. Now, a strong director who has the whole show planned out step by step can do that and still have a strong production. One who asks a cast member to do something different, but doesn't explain what he wants done, or doesn't show what he wants done, won't get anything much different. After all isn't a director's job to, um, direct?!
My final complaint against this director is the fact that she did not expect anything from the cast. She had no goal for them, other than the obvious to put the show on. They did not receive any excitement from her so they had not excitement themselves. An experienced director, even one that has had no training, would set a goal for each rehearsal and for the production itself, something to reach for, and expect the cast to reach it or try their best to reach it.
The stage is a place for actors, directors, and technicians to try new things in new ways. It is about discovery, and, especially in an educational setting, it is about pushing beyond the boundaries of self and comfort to find something new. The most important thing about high school theatre is to have fun while learning new things. This cast didn't learn much and they weren't having fun.
Oh, one more technical thing, costumes. While I know that budget is limited and the kids at the school generally dress the same, the costumes for the play all looked the same. Each of the contestants should have been wearing distinctive clothes. The valley-girl should have been girly and pink(or other such girly clothes), business woman would never wear open toed shoes to an interview, the gangster from NYC needed baggy jeans not tight cut offs (not to mention the sunglasses and hood that was blocking her facial expressions), and all the hill-billies clothes should have been more worn and torn and dirty. It was hard to tell the important characters apart from the ensemble because they all looked almost the same.
Okay now good things. I knew most of the cast, there were a few freshmen and upper-classmen that hadn't been in any of the plays I'd helped with. So I could recall what I had seen them do in the past and use that to analyze what they did in this play. As a whole they are all very talented young men and women. Some are stronger actors than others but they all are good.
The king and the girl he chose both had country accents, both accents were different. This too me was a huge accomplishment. The king was a kind of hill-billy accent whereas the girl was from a ranch in Texas. It was amazing that they could have such similar accents and yet be so different! Props to them!
There was one young man who would be a great actor, he has the voice and inflection to do some great work, however, he has a pattern, and I would love to be able to help him with that. he always uses the same hand gestures, and only moves the upper part of his body to emphasize things. With just a little work I think he could let go of the patterns he falls into and become a great leading man.
The freshmen in the cast were great as well. They had a great command of their voice and their parts, their blocking onstage was just disjointed. Once again with just a little work this flaw could be worked out.
Basically I could see the potential that each actor and technician had, and where the director (from lack of experience and enthusiasm) went wrong. I saw what I would have done differently and how just a few simple changes would have made the play exponentially better.
Okay long example of how I look at things, but I like to see what can be done to make things better. I'm that way about everything. If I don't like a movie, what could be changed to make it something I would like.
People are a little harder, but I still do the same thing. I analyze everything about someone each time I meet them. I analyze what they say, what they wear, and what I say. I worry over stupid stuff, and a get caught up in flaws. But I do look for the good in everyone I meet. I guess if I can't hope that someone will not let me down then my life would be pretty bleak.
If you are thinking that I am pathetic than you are quite right. Don't worry though, the over analyzing is usually me over analyzing myself not others. I worry about the little things I say, things that no one remembers but me. I analyze looks that people give me and automatically assume the worst.
Yet, I hope for the best, I look past the things others do and say (most of the time) and usually get disappointed. Maybe I expect too much. Maybe my brain works the wrong way. But after analyzing my criticisms I feel life is better this way, even if I am strange.
I live to see what can be done better (only I don't always do what needs to be done for things to be done better).

News Items

I haven't felt much like blogging these days but I do have some good news and interesting goings on to tell you about so I am going to revert to my ever-ready-list blogging style! :)

1-Got the job with the Children's Theatre Company of South Dakota! Very excited to start touring in January! I will begin in Sturgis and I have no clue where we will be after that. Obviously more to come later as I know more!

2-My cousin Mikaela(22) moved to Buffalo from Spring Hill, FL two weeks ago! She's currently living in the spare room that used to be Nate's room. Once she and her dad get some things settle they'll be getting a place together either in town or in Sheridan. This is a great thing for her! Although she is very cold! :) Its been nice to see her and know that she is in a place where people will give her the encouragement she deserves!

3-My cousin Nate(8) has moved back with us again. His step-dad recently died and I think the pressure of grief and raising a child was just too much for his mom. She is in need of your prayers, as is Nate. He loves living with us so that's a good thing. Its weird to have a much younger sibling again.
With two more bodies in the house things are crazy crazy! I was thinking about all this and thought maybe I should move out so that there is an extra room, but since I'll be touring and not making very much money its just not possible. I know that everyone will find their place eventually I just wish there was something more I could do to help the situation out.

4- My loverly dog has had to go to the vet twice in the last month! First he got a nasty ear infection :( We took him in and they had to put him out to clean them, then they taped his ears up and he looked really sad. So after his ears healed up he got a cut on his front paw which he wouldn't leave alone and so it was back to the vet to have his front paw shaved of all fur in the pads! He was not pleased with that experience! If he keeps messing with them he'll get the infamous cone on his head! Oh dear dear dog!

Well, those are my incredibly exciting news items for the time being! Take care all!